Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
