Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Can you bring me the toilet please
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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