There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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