He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
