You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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