Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize