Well apparently he's into motor boating.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
