First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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