You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
