ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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