went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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