I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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