Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
