i permit you to call me
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
