i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Randomize
