Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
