don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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