did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
