He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
