Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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