i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
