Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
she woke up with a sticky ear
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?