you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
