Texts From Last Night

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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  oh sweet, sweet irony

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  (203): I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa (860): oh sweet, sweet irony http://tfl.nu/6x56
  Replies (24) Good night (3354) Bad night (697)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.

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  (603): Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station. (1-603): The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS. http://tfl.nu/opvz
  Replies (24) Good night (7273) Bad night (962)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone

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  (219): By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone http://tfl.nu/czmq
  Replies (8) Good night (4127) Bad night (950)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!

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  (832): How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?! http://tfl.nu/iqkb
  Replies (59) Good night (1968) Bad night (5286)
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  (587): View more from Alberta

  She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra

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  (587): She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra http://tfl.nu/6lbp
  Replies (8) Good night (3094) Bad night (970)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"

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  (850): Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere" http://tfl.nu/ju0a
  Replies (9) Good night (3505) Bad night (987)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.

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  (203): No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side. http://tfl.nu/0ask
  Replies (17) Good night (2761) Bad night (826)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?

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  (520): He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA? http://tfl.nu/u8oz
  Replies (4) Good night (854) Bad night (966)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  110% paid for our cab with a lap dance

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  (905): 110% paid for our cab with a lap dance http://tfl.nu/ywar
  Replies (8) Good night (1563) Bad night (591)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck

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  (240): did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck http://tfl.nu/lph9
  Replies (7) Good night (943) Bad night (885)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome

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  (507): If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome http://tfl.nu/ndd2
  Replies (4) Good night (898) Bad night (413)
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  (518): View more from New York

  No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.

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  (518): No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once. http://tfl.nu/gul1
  Replies (4) Good night (624) Bad night (660)
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  (716): View more from New York

  I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.

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  (716): I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow. http://tfl.nu/y8yu
  Replies (3) Good night (458) Bad night (267)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?

  (1-519): View more from Ontario

  Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?

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  (519): Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!? (1-519): Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic? http://tfl.nu/6rsm
  Replies (1) Good night (758) Bad night (396)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it

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  (306): it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator. (306): oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it http://tfl.nu/nakp
  Replies (6) Good night (508) Bad night (226)

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