Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.