Texts From Last Night

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  (607): View more from New York

  i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.

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  (607): i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady. http://tfl.nu/6072
  Replies (40) Good night (1751) Bad night (5801)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.

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  (630): My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock. http://tfl.nu/njgo
  Replies (166) Good night (28417) Bad night (2753)
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  (661): View more from California

  No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.

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  (661): No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer. http://tfl.nu/5zs6
  Replies (44) Good night (4487) Bad night (993)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner

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  (413): also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner http://tfl.nu/h4oj
  Replies (4) Good night (2202) Bad night (1039)
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  (518): View more from New York

  it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone

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  (518): it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone http://tfl.nu/gzqw
  Replies (13) Good night (4468) Bad night (822)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.

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  (617): mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore. http://tfl.nu/p0bd
  Replies (32) Good night (2012) Bad night (6500)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.

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  (770): Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation. http://tfl.nu/ma0q
  Replies (10) Good night (1384) Bad night (608)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I wish they made people sized litter boxes.

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  (519): I wish they made people sized litter boxes. http://tfl.nu/qgr4
  Replies (11) Good night (684) Bad night (1550)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.

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  (216): Question: trumpet bong. Can it work. http://tfl.nu/hpw0
  Replies (8) Good night (707) Bad night (270)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.

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  (412): My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help. http://tfl.nu/9s63
  Replies (2) Good night (583) Bad night (702)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship

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  (815): Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship http://tfl.nu/8hbk
  Replies (4) Good night (701) Bad night (288)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  What drugs are we doing when you visit?

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.

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  (402): What drugs are we doing when you visit? (1-402): The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles. http://tfl.nu/97ps
  Replies (2) Good night (1054) Bad night (321)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.

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  (727): You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest. http://tfl.nu/2kj8
  Replies (4) Good night (1013) Bad night (240)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.

  (775): View more from Nevada

  You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?

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  (303): A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car. (775): You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car? http://tfl.nu/g6l0
  Replies (4) Good night (802) Bad night (246)
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  (212): View more from New York

  You're the only person not starstruck by him

  (302): View more from Delaware

  Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.

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  (212): You're the only person not starstruck by him (302): Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls. http://tfl.nu/rlsa
  Replies (1) Good night (612) Bad night (201)

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