I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?