WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
