So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
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I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
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I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?