That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
