i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I am spending my child support on dildos
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
