How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I could make wine with my vomit
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
