one word: firstdatebathroomanal
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
