Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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