i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
