just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
