it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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