I just threw up on my dentist
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
