Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
