Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
