so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
