I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
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