Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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