i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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