Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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