There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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