We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize