I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
