theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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