Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
