If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
