Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
