I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I need moral support for this bender
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
