p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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