Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
