Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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