do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
