The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
