I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
