I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
