Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
