OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
