I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
