either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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