You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
