i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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