have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
