I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
