I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
