I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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