the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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