accomplished twins. life is a go
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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