don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
