Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
