Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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