im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Swine flu is the new snow day.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
