Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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