My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I am spending my child support on dildos
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
