just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
