he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
