did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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