We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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