So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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