ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
