brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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