I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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