I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
