the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
