Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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