My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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