Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
