So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
