respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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