i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Terrible idea I love it
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
